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Post by kalbaern on Apr 28, 2009 14:47:07 GMT -5
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
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Post by kalbaern on Apr 28, 2009 14:49:03 GMT -5
A lonely widow decides to advertise in the personal section of her local newspaper. The add reads "Lonely older woman seeking caring man. Must never walk out on me, must never beat me, must be able to satisfy me in bed".
She gets many responses but none of them are what she is looking for. Finally one day there is a ring on the doorbell and she opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs lying on the doormat.
"Im here about your ad" he says. Dubious she asks "What makes you think you are the right man for me?". He replies "Well I have no legs so I can never walk out on you and I have no arms so I can never beat you". "How do I know you are you are good in bed?" Says the old widow ...... "I rang the doorbell didnt I?" Says the man!
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Post by kalbaern on Apr 28, 2009 14:50:08 GMT -5
WARNING TO MEN:
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is usually found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.>
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory woman administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
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Possibly Ten
Knight Champion
Hopefull CEP new weapon type!
Posts: 805
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Post by Possibly Ten on Apr 29, 2009 8:11:36 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by kalbaern on May 7, 2009 8:42:44 GMT -5
A bard who specializes in ventrioloquism is performing in a tavern, doing several jokes about how dumb half-orcs are.
A very large, very mean-looking half-orc in the back of the room stands up and growls, "I'm sick of everyone making fun of half-orcs and saying we're stupid."
The bard begins to apologize for offending the half-orc.
The half-orc says, "Sir, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the little smart-ass sitting in your lap."
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Post by kalbaern on May 7, 2009 8:44:14 GMT -5
An ugly man walks into the cleric's office and says: "Father I hurt all over."
And the cleric says, "That's impossible .
"No really!" he said, "Just look, when I touch my arm, ouch!
It hurts.
When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts.
When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts.
When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts", he replies.
The cleric just shakes his head and says, "You're a half-orc aren't you?"
The man smiles and says "Yeah. But how do you know?"
The cleric replies, "Because, your finger is broken."
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Post by kalbaern on May 7, 2009 8:44:59 GMT -5
A Human, a Dwarf, an Orc and an Elf each reached the mouth to the cave of an ancient red dragon. This dragon had been ravaging the country-side of each race's kingdom and they were each sent to slay it.
The Human drew his sword and charged headlong in screaming, "I do this for my kingdom!" where he's swiftly swallowed whole.
The Orc brandished his axe and charged headlong in yelling, "For my bretheren!" where he's swiftly swallowed whole.
The Dwarf then pulls a jar full of Black Lotus extract from his backpack, jams it in the elf's belt and pushes him into the cave screaming, "I do this for my kingdom!!!"
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Post by kalbaern on May 7, 2009 9:08:21 GMT -5
Q: Why should human men marry elven women.
A: Because with any luck, he'll be dead before she turns into her mother.
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Post by slothfulcat on Jul 14, 2009 19:40:05 GMT -5
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Post by kalbaern on Jul 14, 2009 19:42:35 GMT -5
Saddly I had to *coughs* study this picture for about 5 minutes before I caught the joke.
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Post by slothfulcat on Jul 23, 2009 11:59:17 GMT -5
Our newest player... she was fighting for control of the keyboard half the morning.  |
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Post by kalbaern on Jul 23, 2009 12:39:42 GMT -5
Just wanna know what your cat was doing using your PC to farm uber easy gnolls. Doesn't "it" know if you're not getting close to 15xp per kill you should be exploring elsewhere?
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Post by slothfulcat on Jul 23, 2009 15:33:42 GMT -5
I never read anything that told me the individual xp of each creature in a mob was the determining factor and not the overall difficulty that told me where I should go... so since kitty is illiterate I couldn't pass it on to her. By all I read though, Kitty couldn't have been farming... but I'll make sure she goes and does something "epic" to make up for it!
In all seriousness though, I needed to have a look at how much weaker the PC was with the nerfings to her style of build over the past 3 updates, and thought that it would be best for me to do that in a place I knew would both hurt me but not be a deathsentence if the PC was too much weaker than last thursday while I had kitty climbing all over me.
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Post by justherself on Jul 23, 2009 20:04:12 GMT -5
Our newest player... she was fighting for control of the keyboard half the morning. :DOh Goodness I love your kitty ;D |
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Post by slothfulcat on Aug 7, 2009 21:06:46 GMT -5
My mother's mouser... hard at work... the animal that inspired my handle.  |
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